The Great Orange Beast

In the beginning darkness lay across the deep and all was silent, for there was none to make any sound. And behold, a sudden burst of bright light broke through the darkness, growing greater and greater until at last it took form and was magnificent. It sparkled and shimmered and emerged with fearful thunder as a big, lumpy, orange mass. And it named itself The Donald. And in the fullness of time, as its power grew and its ego spread to engulf all beings and all nature, it became known as The Great Orange Beast.

And The Beast came to dwell in the most powerful house in the land and to rule with fear and autocracy. And he spat upon the rose garden of this house to show his contempt for all beings and creatures and the land on which they dwelled.

And all who defied him came to be vanquished and to disappear from his sight.

And The Beast had just one wife at a time, and the third wife found him to be unworthy of her and would not sleep in his bed. Yea, verily, she declined to hold his hand when he offered it.

And The Beast loved all women and expressed his deep appreciation for them by grabbing them inappropriately and forcing sloppy, wet kisses on their mouths. And verily he did boast about doing this because he knew how much they longed to be in his presence--because he was a star.

And within The Beast's inner circle lived a mannequin of many debts and no scruples named Jared. And The Beast found comfort in this man because he too had many debts and no scruples. Also this man was married to The Beast's airhead daughter, which gave him much credence. And Jared enjoyed many privileges in the presence of The Beast which he was not qualified to enjoy. And lo, at long last the FBI stripped him of these privileges and left him to suffer an empty life, for which he was well qualified. And The Beast comforted him, saying, "Those fools at the FBI are such whiners. Never satisfied." 

And yet The Beast held on to Jared for he knew not how to separate from him. And Jared pouted in The Beast's Round Office and wondered how to pay off his many loans. And The Beast grew weary of him and made efforts to make him go, but Jared was dense and did not understand the words, "Get the hell out of my office." And so The Beast at last left the Round Office to return to his grand bedroom where he drank Diet Coke, ate cheeseburgers, and spent many hours arranging his hair.