North Korea.
Donald Trump probably didn't even know it was there until Kim Jong Un started blasting missiles like Roman candles on the Fourth of July. But Trump loves sparkly things, so he took notice. Then Kim started raising hell about how he could hurt the United States really bad with his missiles and Trump said he could hurt Kim worse, and the scary words started to fly.
"My nukes are bigger than yours," Kim said.
"No, my nukes are bigger than yours," Trump responded.
And the threats began, and they saw each other on television, and they saw each other's hair.
So what if this whole kerfuffle isn't about nukes now at all, but about . . . Hair? What if this has become a contest to see which world leader sports the silliest hair? While Trump's hair looks like the victim of a tiny tornado, Kim's mop sits on top of his head like a thick, furry lid.
"My hair looks sillier than yours," says Kim.
"Don't be ridiculous," says Trump, "I had silly hair long before you were even born."
"But you use cheap hair dye. I use the good stuff."
"Those are fighting words, Kim."
"Okay, then, let's settle this like gentlemen--with nukes."
"Fine with me. I've got underground accommodations. And I just had them gold plated, and new chandeliers installed."
"Fine, then. We push the buttons on three. One, two . . . "
"I get to say three. . . ."
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